Been a living hell since the unelected pm in charge of this cuntry decided my best friend has to live under horrific restrictions because of her genetics.
I’ve had to book an operation that will, because of the deadline, not be good for her physical health forever more. Defra don’t care. They’re unwilling to grant an extension of a few months in order to protect her long-term health. I get the op prematurely or she gets taken away from me and killed because the cuntry doesn’t like her genetics. I hate living in this cuntry.
Every day has been a battle in my mind. (More than usual!) Being forced to practise something that I hate, and she hates, regularly just so that she can leave the property. Being forced to be inauthentic with my best friend and pretend that something awful is the best thing in the world is exhausting. Worse, being forced to practise something that I know is pointless and ridiculous, not well thought through and has been based on a generalisation drawn from statistics that weren’t accurate *see below. It goes against every grain of my being to be doing something that is forced on us when it is so impractical, pointless, ineffective and based on fabricated “facts”and massaged statistics*. My ODD and PDA have been on overdrive on a daily basis (hey – no wonder I’m exhausted still while I’m off sick supposed to be avoiding stress!).
Imagine the cuntry leaders told you that your brown eyed children have to be handcuffed every time they leave the house because “more than 50% of shoplifting is carried out by brown eyed youth” (completely made that up to demonstrate my point – not fact!). Yeh, “Ah! Isn’t this fun, Erika, it’s awesome that you get to wear this uncomfortable restrictive jewellery so we can go out! Isn’t it great!” – no one is buying that!
It’s been worse than being forced to go to school every day – because at least you know there will be an end to the ridiculous restrictions when you leave. No – these are ridiculous restrictions for the rest of our lives together.
The last 6 months consisted of walking only the private farm lane and barely getting 25 metres out the gate before almighty fighting. Having to guess where her “that’s it I’m done line” is going to be and mentally halving the walk to fit that time. Yes we could’ve done it faster but I didn’t want it to be traumatic for her. Lst time I was asked to wear a face mask I randomly burst into uncontrollable tears, yet covid wasn’t even a particularly traumatic time for me! The one time I took her out for a random drive we had a vehicle breakdown. It’s pretty much been forced isolation for us both all over again – and I’ve had more than enough of that to last me a lifetime…
We had a break through yesterday (It’s 22nd while I’m drafting this). We’d got maybe ¼ mile before a fight the day before, despite numerous high quality rewards. Don’t know what made the difference yesterday, but we only turned back because she was getting warm and our access to water was limited (gonna have to develop a walking pack with integrated bowl!) We did over 3.5 miles and 2.5 miles of that was off property – muzzle on!
It will still be a while before I’m happy that she’s happy enough with it that we can spend a day out. Wow we miss that! But I’m now gonna save to book a tour of Exeter for us both this summer! Didn’t think that would’ve been possible this year – but I reckon once the op’s over and she’s recovered she’ll be more than ready for it.
Operation this week – we’re going up the night before because I’m not risking missing it for the sake of traffic. Gutted our first planned night in the new van is for this, but needs must. I’ve not unclenched my teeth in the last month, and had to use every tool I have to ensure I’ve eaten, but it’s almost over baring any other random canon balls of crap waiting to be thrown at me. I think next week we might be able to breathe… watch this space
*Statistics spouted by cuntry leaders were “More than 50% of deaths”. There were 11 that year. They said 6 were XLABs. At least 2 of those were “thought to be XLAB types” (I only looked at 2 reports). That reduces the actual number to 4/11 = 36%. That is a lot less than 50%. Ask any one who has worked in a small school – using percentages and statistics when you’re working with tiny numbers always inflates or deflates scores to show ridiculous results. Of course the cuntry leaders have been well aware of that forever…
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